time to clean out the den

I’m gonna do another blog about resentment and forgiveness (big eye roll here).

You know, we need reminders and repetition sometimes. I know I do. Sometimes something magic happens when I go at a topic again with a beginner’s mindset and actually listen to the reminder: I get a new perspective and insight. That’s why I’m revisiting the old dog this week…I’m hoping to share a new or refreshed insight.

We just came out of a big season of letting go and reframing. Whether you’re into astrology or moon phases or just in tune with the seasons and rhythms of our planet…that’s what’s been happening. Autumn is harvest and bounty, but it’s also when trees let go of their leaves. It’s when we let go of the long days, sunshine and warm weather of summer, and we prepare for the season of rest and rejuvenation.

It’s a good time to find those rotten resentments and get them out of our den so we don’t have to spend all winter cooped up with their poking stinkyness.

Every time we come across a resentment, it’s like a rock under our mattress pad when we’re camping. We can’t get comfortable. We can’t rest. Each time we get poked by a resentment, we re-view, re-feel, re-live and re-experience the whole thing. We re-activate the wound.

Do you know what I mean? When an old resentment that you’ve tucked away in some corner rolls out into the open, can’t you just imagine a growing crowd of voices in your head beginning to roar, cheering you on, fueling the fire? “Yeah. That’s right. They screwed you over! That was wrong! Not fair! How selfish!” or something like that…and then you’re off to the races, chasing that rabbit around the circular track again and not really getting anywhere except exhausted. It’s a soul-killer, to quote my friend Lorraine.

So yeah. So then what? How do we let go of that resentment?

Well, first we acknowledge it. Yup, it happened. And yup, I’m the one hanging onto the resentment. Then we decide to let it go. Even if we have to pry it out of our grasping hands one claw-like finger at a time, we have to let it go.

Then we have to forgive. Fuck. Not forgiveness again. Yes, my friend, forgiveness. Here’s the thing. Forgiveness isn’t about the person we need to forgive. It isn’t even for them. It’s about and for us! It’s about releasing the energetic attachment to things we no longer want to be connected to anymore, so that they can’t hold us for ransom. Forgiveness is kinda selfish, but in a self-care kind of way.

Okay, then how do you forgive. Well, that’s an inside job. I personally don’t believe that there is any one way. We all have our own ways. Some people do energetic cord-cutting. Some do therapy. Some work through a twelve step program, or journal and burn, or pray, or meditate, or dance, or make art, or run, or… we do what works for us. But it does come down to a decision, a choice. We decide to forgive.

There’s a debate about whether we also need to forget. One side says yes, otherwise we are really still carrying the baggage around. Another side says no – forgive, but never forget so that it doesn’t happen again. I say it depends, because I see the logic in both of the other sides.

In the meantime, remember these things: You are loved. We are all loved. Let’s all be kind. And in all things – progress, not perfection!

Love, and light in the pages,


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