Do I really need to defend those boundaries?

I have been hearing and reading so much about boundaries these days, and the need to protect and defend them.

I’ve noticed that the language is pretty provocative. You have to guard against the invaders, the predators, the Viking hordes and moats and walls and yes, too much Time Team.

The stance you take must be defensive. Defending is hard work. It invokes fear and anxiety. Boundaries are black and white – and if they aren’t, you’d better make them so. You have to have boundaries, and you have to guard them with your life – it’s a matter of survival and your survival brain jumps right in to take on the job.

But, what if you don’t?

What if there’s another way to think about it that doesn’t require the (primitive) survival brain?

Let’s jump over to gardens for a second.

There’s the French formal garden that is all about symmetry and imposing a blueprint on nature. Boundaries galore. Beautiful, but lots of work to maintain.

Then there’s the English garden that is about flow, nature and multiple elements, including what’s there in the landscape already. A different kind of beauty. An abundant beauty.

Or food. Rice. Beans. Sometimes rice AND beans. Sometimes bananas. Bananas and beans, nope. But you don’t need to defend against bananas. (whisper: sometimes being ridiculous helps me put things in perspective.)

What if you think abundantly? There’s room for all things you like, and there’s time and energy for everything.

Instead of defending, you are managing. You’re maintaining a bit of order. Respecting. Prioritizing. Arranging. Everything has a place. You are just responsible for making sure stuff stays neat. Doesn’t that feel easier?

Look, sometimes you probably do need boundaries. This isn’t meant to be a universal rule. It’s just an option, a little bit of expansive green thinking. After all, a few tweaks to how you think can make a world of difference to how you experience a thing.

(Whispering again: if something feels like an invader, maybe something else is going on.)

In the meantime, remember these things: You are loved. We are all loved. Let’s all be kind. And in all things – progress, not perfection!

Love and light,



I’ve got a new program coming out soon, combining Color Thinking and leadership development. Schedule a call if you’d like to chat about it.  I might have a couple of spaces still open.

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