A matter of perspective

There is no one-size-fits-all anything, as I’ve said many, many times.

I learned that lesson because a lot of clothing marked as one-size-fits-all didn’t fit me in my extra tall, plus-sized body. For the longest time, I made that mean something about me. Then I learned that whoever put that label on was wrong. They didn’t know, didn’t think or didn’t care. But it didn’t have to mean anything about me.

So now I’m able to apply that to a lot of things. I mean a lot of things.

Take emotional reactions, for example. I recently lost my dog, suddenly and pretty peacefully. He’s been with me for twelve years, and that’s actually a long time for a German Shepherd. The hole he left behind is huge, way bigger than his physical body ever was.

The day it happened, and to be truthful, for several days afterward, I didn’t really have the emotional capacity for much more than the bare minimum.

At the same time, someone I know found out that their father is very ill. They were also devastated.

Another person I know lost her job suddenly, and it’s causing her to be anxious and to doubt herself.

You know what? We’re all going through things. Some are wonderful, some aren’t. The point of this blog is to say that our responses to what is going on in our lives are unique. They are different. There is no point in comparing – not even across the time and space of our own lives.

How I feel about losing Nic is different than how I felt about losing Jesse, because the circumstances were different, of course. But also because my capacity is different. My frame of reference is different.

My lenses and my frames are different. I do like to use glasses as a metaphor for our perspectives. Our prescription can change over time – maybe we’ve had counseling, or therapy or some other form of growth. Or maybe we’ve been hurt and our hearts have hardened or become fearful.

The thing is, we just can’t assume that everyone experiences things the same way. So there is no one way, no right way, no rules about what we can handle or how we “should” handle it.

So however someone is handling what’s going on for them, I want to assume that it’s the best they can do. Given their circumstances. For now. At this point in their life. With everything else that they have going on. Wearing whatever lenses they’re wearing today. Tomorrow might be different.

I want to give myself the same grace. Because it’s all relative, a matter of perspective. It is what it is.

In the meantime, remember these things: You are loved. We are all loved. Let’s all be kind. And in all things – progress, not perfection!

Love and light in the pages,


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